As usual, I was complaining about my weight (I would always like to lose some). I was talking about how I exercise, but nothing seems to change. Jack volunteered, "I could be your personal trainer." I looked at him and wanted to laugh so badly, but he I could see he wasn't quite finished. "But, I can tell you that it isn't going to be easy," he said. "I watch the Biggest Loser."
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Rotten Brains
Henry and Charlie have been home sick ALL week! Needless to say they have been playing a lot of video games. I told them to come upstairs so we could go to Redbox and get a movie. Charlie said, "Do you want us to stop playing our video games because if we keep playing we will rot our brains out?" When I asked Charlie where he heard that he said Jack told him. Jack is the last person I would take rotten brain advice from.
"Yeah, you have been playing too many this week," I said.
Henry grumbled, not thinking I could hear, "So we're going to watch a movie instead, like that isn't going to rot our brains out."
Charlie put his hand up on his forehead (they have had fevers, so he continously checks his head) and said, "I think my brain is already rotten."
"Yeah, you have been playing too many this week," I said.
Henry grumbled, not thinking I could hear, "So we're going to watch a movie instead, like that isn't going to rot our brains out."
Charlie put his hand up on his forehead (they have had fevers, so he continously checks his head) and said, "I think my brain is already rotten."
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Goood Food
Our kids have been in Utah visiting Mark's parents for a week! They had a ton of fun (our kids, I can't speak for the grandparents). When Jack got in our car at the site of the "pick up" he proclaimed, "We had gooood food at Grandma's."
"As opposed to what?" I asked.
"It was just really good. I really liked everything we ate. I wasn't picky and Grandma didn't make anything weird."
"What are you implying?" I asked.
He started to get a little nervous, "I am just saying it was really good. It was normal, not weird. It was good. It was really good and I ate all of it. I didn't mean to offend you."
Too late, already offended! I know cooking is not my strong suit, I am much better at mowing the lawn, but I wouldn't say my food is prison fare. I would even say it is usually a notch above cafeteria dining. But, apparently sometimes it is weird and not very good. It is too bad for dinner I made some disgustingly weird roast beef and horrible chocolate cake. I guess I will just have to eat it myself!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Quickly Who Obeys?
As I was asking, then begging, then screaming at my children to do something for me today, the thought came to mind, who wrote that song? "When my mother calls me, quickly I'll obey." Obviously, the person that wrote those words never had any children and skipped straight from infancy to adulthood themselves. I have never witnessed any child quickly obey and if your children do so, please post your methods in the comments section as I could really use some parenting advice. I have found in my experience as both a child and a mother that children will quickly obey for the following 3 reasons:
1. They are sucking up and are hoping to get something from their compliance. In my house that usually entails having a friend over to play and our exchange will sound something like, "Can you do this for me?" "Oh yes mommy, I would love to do that for you. I love helping you so much, in fact I think it is my favorite thing to do." And then almost like the subliminal messages you hear when you play the Beatles records backwards, "Can I have a friend over?" It is so quick, so subversive, that my "Uh-huh" response is usually done without forethought as to what the consequences will be for answering that way. Since I have all boys there is usually mud, fighting, and some sort of bodily fluid involved in those consequences.
2. You are enforcing the secret pinch. My children are not perfect, so I rarely take them out in public because I am smarter than my mother. My mother would cart all 5 of us off to the store with her. Since she was clearly outnumbered to keep us from adding expensive sugar-filled items to the cart or from screaming things out like, "Stop beating me!" she would employ the secret pinch. You all know the secret pinch. It is a pinch so deadly that it will can make any unruly, tantrum-throwing child obey. All a mother has to do is grab the skin on your upper arm and pinch all the while steering the child in the direction she wants him or her to go and voila! instant obedience. The thing about the secret pinch is that no one else can see that you are being tortured and if you scream for help your mother can let go so quickly that everyone will just think you are a bratty child looking for attention. It is the perfect secret weapon used by all mothers, even the ones that pretend they would never do it.
3. You are screaming, crying, and threatening to tell their dad. You know you've said it, "Just WAIT 'til your dad gets home." I don't know what my husband would do if I did tattle. I would like to think it would be something grand and it would end with my children making their beds and vacuuming the stairs all while singing, "I Love Mother." But, I can't imagine that 5 hours later he would be so upset that his wrath would be worth the threat. We as moms know that it is really code for, "I have tried everything to get you to do what I am asking and since I am out of options, I AM GOING TO TELL YOUR DAD." We really must give our kids more credit, they know we are going to forget, that some much larger crisis (like what to make for dinner) will consume us long before dad really gets home.
I am calling on all Primary music choiristors to ban this song. Because when our children are standing up on the stand on Mother's Day singing wholeheartedly how they will quickly obey, we know they are lying. They cannot possibly keep this promise. Or maybe they could sing,"When my mother calls me, first I will ignore,then I will just scream and cry, curse at her, then scream more."
1. They are sucking up and are hoping to get something from their compliance. In my house that usually entails having a friend over to play and our exchange will sound something like, "Can you do this for me?" "Oh yes mommy, I would love to do that for you. I love helping you so much, in fact I think it is my favorite thing to do." And then almost like the subliminal messages you hear when you play the Beatles records backwards, "Can I have a friend over?" It is so quick, so subversive, that my "Uh-huh" response is usually done without forethought as to what the consequences will be for answering that way. Since I have all boys there is usually mud, fighting, and some sort of bodily fluid involved in those consequences.
2. You are enforcing the secret pinch. My children are not perfect, so I rarely take them out in public because I am smarter than my mother. My mother would cart all 5 of us off to the store with her. Since she was clearly outnumbered to keep us from adding expensive sugar-filled items to the cart or from screaming things out like, "Stop beating me!" she would employ the secret pinch. You all know the secret pinch. It is a pinch so deadly that it will can make any unruly, tantrum-throwing child obey. All a mother has to do is grab the skin on your upper arm and pinch all the while steering the child in the direction she wants him or her to go and voila! instant obedience. The thing about the secret pinch is that no one else can see that you are being tortured and if you scream for help your mother can let go so quickly that everyone will just think you are a bratty child looking for attention. It is the perfect secret weapon used by all mothers, even the ones that pretend they would never do it.
3. You are screaming, crying, and threatening to tell their dad. You know you've said it, "Just WAIT 'til your dad gets home." I don't know what my husband would do if I did tattle. I would like to think it would be something grand and it would end with my children making their beds and vacuuming the stairs all while singing, "I Love Mother." But, I can't imagine that 5 hours later he would be so upset that his wrath would be worth the threat. We as moms know that it is really code for, "I have tried everything to get you to do what I am asking and since I am out of options, I AM GOING TO TELL YOUR DAD." We really must give our kids more credit, they know we are going to forget, that some much larger crisis (like what to make for dinner) will consume us long before dad really gets home.
I am calling on all Primary music choiristors to ban this song. Because when our children are standing up on the stand on Mother's Day singing wholeheartedly how they will quickly obey, we know they are lying. They cannot possibly keep this promise. Or maybe they could sing,"When my mother calls me, first I will ignore,then I will just scream and cry, curse at her, then scream more."
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
That "Dam" Thing
A couple of weekends ago we went to Mark's parents' house to visit, to go to our nephew's farewell, and so I could get my fingerprints taken in the state of Utah. Hmm... curious now, huh? My kids told me grandma told them to bring their snow boots, but I figured they were making things up- they weren't. There was a lot of snow! My mother-in-law bought some sleds and Henry and Charlie had a blast sliding down the sidewalk next to the house and the "garden lot" my in-laws own. The sleds were starting to get a little torn up on the bottom, so my in-laws built a wall at the bottom of the hill so they kids wouldn't go flying onto the driveway and cement tearing up their sleds. We were in the house and all of a sudden we hear someone screaming. We ran outside where we found a very upset Charlie. During the course of the day the sled path turned into a luge track- pure ice. Charlie came flying down and hit the wall. He was crying, "I hit that dam(n) thing. I hit that dam(n) thing!" It was all we could do to keep from cracking up and he just kept saying it over and over. The kids had named the wall, the dam, and although we knew he didn't know what he was saying we couldn't help but chuckle.
Later on in the house Charlie was sitting on the counter helping make cookies. He chatters about random things, so I have a hard time concentrating on everything he says. As he was going on about hitting the wall he said with a very sly smile, "Hey Mom, is dam(n) a bad word?" It reminded me of when I used to ride my bike on the canal bank to 7 Eleven. It was very quiet and no one was ever around, so I would say all the swear words I knew (I was probably about 10). I'm sure if anyone saw me they would have assumed I had a mental deficiency, because it is not everyday you see a 10 year old on a pink ten-speed, talking to herself, swearing like a sailor. So, I can relate to Charlie. Sometimes, you just have to get it out!
Later on in the house Charlie was sitting on the counter helping make cookies. He chatters about random things, so I have a hard time concentrating on everything he says. As he was going on about hitting the wall he said with a very sly smile, "Hey Mom, is dam(n) a bad word?" It reminded me of when I used to ride my bike on the canal bank to 7 Eleven. It was very quiet and no one was ever around, so I would say all the swear words I knew (I was probably about 10). I'm sure if anyone saw me they would have assumed I had a mental deficiency, because it is not everyday you see a 10 year old on a pink ten-speed, talking to herself, swearing like a sailor. So, I can relate to Charlie. Sometimes, you just have to get it out!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Wiseman
My friend called me today after church just to tell me about Jack. Apparently he has life figured out. In the children's sunday school an adult asked, "What is the dad's job?" There were several answers, but Jack had it right when he said, "To cater to whatever the mom wants." The adult then asked, "What is the job of the kids?" Again Jack had an answer, "To go to the basement and be quiet." Ahh... so wise. Won't he be a good husband and father? I can just hear it now, "Kids, go to the basement and be quiet so I can do whatever your mom wants me to do!"
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Michael What-son?
I got in the car yesterday only to catch the end of a discussion between Henry and Jack.
Henry: "I think he's black."
Jack: "No, he's white."
Henry: "But, he looks kind of black."
Jack: "No, he looks white."
Me: "Who are you talking about?"
Boys: "Michael Jackson."
They wanted to know if he was black or white to which I didn't have a great answer. So, I explained that he was born black, but had surgery so he looks white. To which Charlie, in all his six year old wisdom said, "Like Grandma Mouse Book (Mark's mom). She has gray hair, but she buys this stuff and puts it in a bottle and it makes her hair red."
Yeah, Charlie, kind of like that.
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